The Olivet household has a new member. Meet Enzo:

Aaaah… look at him… isn’t he sweet? Yeah… one time, Mommy found him dragging a two-pound roast – which had been marinating in a bag on the counter – across the floor of the kitchen. He also likes to take the kitchen sponge, only to abandon it in random places around the house. Oh, and he won’t stay out of Mommy’s plants or off the counter. Other than that, he’s just a joy!
Needless to say, Enzo’s name is most commonly followed by “no.”
You like Enzo, for the most part. I guess it’s more like you tolerate Enzo. You’ve tried to pick him up, arms squeezed around his waist, his tail pointed directly into the air, head dangling at your feet. I suppose that means he tolerates you, too. It seems lately, though, you’ve appointed yourself The Enzo Cop.
At the very sight of Enzo, no matter what he’s doing, you start the sentence “Enzo not…” Sometimes you even have to pause to think about which rule you will enforce. “Enzo not on the counter.” Good. “Enzo not on the ground.” Confusing. “Enzo not on the blanket.” We need to learn to share. “Enzo not over there.” You’ll need to be more specific.
Most of the time, you’re spot-on. I can simply grab the squirt bottle and aim it the direction you’re facing and the problem is solved.
Now, the only lesson left is that his butthole is not his bellybutton.














